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    Joined Nov 26, Messages 4, That is something I don't think I could forgive. I don't think you'll ever be able to fully trust her again. You seem like a good guy.

    Yeah, it can be hard to get back into dating again but it's not impossible. You can definitely do it! BlueSaffron Bluelighter. So you want her to swallow your cum and do anal, but when she does these things with another man she's "degrading herself"?

    If a guy I was with thought that way about doing those acts, I'd go do them with someone else too.

    Maybe she did them with him because he made her feel desired, and not like she was dirty or wrong for doing them. While you may have never said to her "anal is dirty", your attitude about it shows through when you comment on her doing it with someone else.

    Abject Bluelighter. Joined Dec 14, Messages 1, What in the fuck? He had asked to do anal and for her to swallow and she wouldn't.

    Take your projections somewhere else. Put yourself before her. You don't have power in this relationship, you went back, instead of making her come to you.

    Tell her that she must prove her love to you and submit to you in the bedroom. Power is important. It doesn't have to be about getting anal sex, its about control.

    She owes you. Submission and domination may help rebuild your relationship. Roachsucker Bluelighter. Joined Apr 27, Messages First things first - I assume you dont have kids since there is no mention of children in your post.

    If you in fact do have children then, imo, that would tip the balance towards toughing it out no matter what Now to the point of you two.

    You are both well educated and intelligent persons, two reasons for which it should be easy for her to understand that "I dont know why" and "it just happened" does not cut it.

    If you are both serious about getting your marriage back on track then you will both have to start being honest about what has happened.

    She MUST give you a reason, no matter how uunpleasant or difficult it may be to discuss this topic.

    She must do this for the both you, for the following reasons: 1. Sobbing, calling and generally begging forgiveness is good enough for a high school crush, not for a married couple I completely disagree with using this episode as leverage to get her to submit to you in bed.

    Throwing a good fuck in your direction is again a short term patch instead of the long term mending your marriage needs.

    In fact I think it would do more harm than good - ever see the southpark episode where satan is going out with a camp guy but is attracted to the dirty sex he gets with his former lover saddam hussein?

    Bottom line: you have found tge strength to go back to her, and she seems conscious of how much she hurt you. This is the mix you need to clear things up.

    Miss this chance or worse yet misuse it and all this can happen again further down the road. Good luck man. Joined Mar 5, Messages 6, Location dreamsville.

    What 23 Bluelighter. Joined Jan 7, Messages 3, BlueSaffron said:. Last edited: Jun 21, Joined Jul 5, Messages 7, Location 18 Wheeler loaded with drugs northbound.

    What 23 said:. Totally need to pay more attention when reading dude. She is the one who said it was degrading. OP- I can feel what others have said.

    I don't think "cutting your losses" at this point and moving on will help you, really. I can see that backfiring and making things feel worse, considering still the intensity of the bad hadn't died down.

    I kind of second the taking control that another poster suggested. Making her submit. I don't know. Maybe some day something might click, and you won't be attached anymore.

    Right now I know its all hard to accept. And it seems she can't accept just what she did, either. Different views. I wouldn't take it as you are inadequate.

    People are dynamically fucked up creatures. Not meant to be insulting to her But we are animals. Having compassion for her might help. And maybe, maybe she holds you to a higher standard than she did this other guy.

    Maybe that she said in your presence that she felt degraded by it And that's in her head. In light of your kind of relationship, how she feels about it, might be complex.

    She may have been using this guy. It was a chance for her to get out of some framework. Where you are sacred, he is not to her, like that- like you are, in marriage.

    There are girls who I can't see having sex with vaginally Or, I would on a level prefer not to though, in life I do.

    For awhile, I could only get into imagining one girl, when masturbating. And the only way, was vaginal not that other things I wouldn't do or don't want to, but that's the target.

    Even still she is who I really want. But, when I watch porn, I don't want most of- sometimes any of them vaginally. Or others, sometimes.

    Anal appeals more though I admit porn does not much for me in full and its hard to get into after her. I'm not sure exactly what was going on, except that i could only accept her being pregnant by me- not others not other girls, by me.

    All I'm trying to illustrate is that it may have nothing to do with you being "inadequate". I would say she loves you.

    Don't throw it away, at least. Joined Apr 12, Messages 3, She knows why she did it.. Maybe she wanted to be dominated, either way i would grill her until you get a real answer..

    I personally couldn't forgive this.. Joined Mar 28, Messages 2, I don't usually post in these forums as I'm really no role model in relationship matters.

    But after reading your post, kevmeyer, I just felt I had to reply. I fully agree that what your wife is now doing is simply manipulating you.

    I would never forgive a girl if she had sex with another guy. When I'm not in a relationship, I can somehow treat sex quite loosely. I've always needed a lot of closeness and it's not really easy to find the one and only girl, so honestly while not being in a relationship I can have sex with a friend as long as she's completely fine that we're not a couple and we're just satisfying our needs.

    When I'm in a relationship and my girlfriend accepts me as her partner knowing what person I am, then it's unacceptable for me if she's intimate in any way with another guy.

    I once broke up with my ex-girlfriend, because she let another guy keep her in his arms. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't two friends hugging, it was much too much.

    I feel really sorry for you. I have never been cheated in the way your wife cheated on you, but I think any kind of cheating is emotionally equal if you feel deeply hurt.

    Certainly it may take time, but I can't imagine my future with a woman who gets embarrassed to do something with me and feeling completely fine with doing that with someone else.

    I can understand a lot and I mean it. I'm an INFP and I had extreme social anxiety issues in the past that had a lot to do with girls, so I easily empathise with other people having problems with being close etc.

    I definitely wouldn't force a girl do something that she doesn't want to do, but if I am in a relationship, then I expect my partner to treat me as the right person to be told about ANY problem, and I expect my partner to take seriously any problem that I tell her about.

    When I'm in love with someone, then I'd honestly kill for that person. I'm sure that if you hadn't found out, she would still be cheating on you.

    I honestly don't think that you'll ever manage to feel comfortable with what she's done, so you'll never truly be happy with her.

    Joined Feb 21, Messages I think you need to find a way to make her prove her loyalty and forgiveness to you.. If I really loved her, I would be willing to give her a second chance.

    I think it was really fucked-up for that professor to pursue someone's wife like that and especially in a sober state of mind.

    Maybe she is truly regretful and seeks forgiveness. You're the judge here. I wish you the best man! If she's swallowing the guy's jizz, videotaping herself getting pounded in the ass wothout a condom by the guy, trust me she's not gonna stop cheating.

    It's hard when emotions are involved. I'm sure you love her and I understand mistakes happen, but you will always resent her, at least I would.

    If she loved you, she would have never hurt you like that. Nobody deserves that, she was being selfish and she still is.

    The nerve of still trying to be friends with the guy is insulting. It's her mess up and if she was truly remorseful, she would have cut this guy out.

    She's only sad she was caught. I know it's been a while but I wish you the best luck regardless. I don't see what size has to do with anything You can either work it out with her and move on or get out of that marriage I think i'd get out if it were me.

    Doesn't sound like it hurt too much I know it's hard after all those years but she'll just do it again. I have been as my wife puts it in a killing rage a half dozen times since I don't want the OM dead I want him to think he could be, My wife says my rage against her and her lovers hurt her worse than if I had beat her directly.

    A person who cheats and then wants to maintain contact afterwards does not understand the harm they hav caused and they will cause that harm again in the future.

    If she's holding on to the relationship part of it, she'll keep doing the physical part as well. Time to leave her my friend I can sympathize with your situation, because I found myself in a similar predicament.

    And just like every other White man, who has learned of their wife's infidelity with a Black man, I was over come with the extreme emotional pain of Jealous and fear, along with feelings of sexual inadequacies just about made me ape-s!

    But at the same time those feelings also seem to arouse a newly found appreciation for my wife, and give me the motivation and determination to do anything to keep her.

    Today my wife and I are far closer than ever before because of this, and our marriage and sex life has improved since this happened. So I can only say take what life gives you, and over come it.

    So John Boy , Your saying hire a black fella to do some work on the house and smash the granny out of the woman you love and it makes for a better relationship..

    Am I missing something here. If you both had agreed to it then maybe but she cheated so are you nuts if your gonna keep her then you need to be the man put your foot down lay out the law.

    My point was I have experienced a similar situation as this one, and just as he talked about, I have also experienced the same emotional fire-storm of emotions that he had to face.

    Then and only then was I able to opnely discuss what happened with my wife, and was able to reconcile before a possible divorce. Now I was not about to just handed over the woman that I love to another man, and say here take what is mine, so I was determinated to fight for her, and salvage our marriage, and experience made our marriage far stronger than ever before But it was hell to get there.

    So unless you have been married for that long and have experienced it, then you cannot ever know, muchless ever understand it.

    She still keeps in contact? That is the sign to leave and find someone that appreciates you. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

    Looks like she fooled you multiple time. My wife and i agree to it. It is not a regular thing, three times in about two and a half years.

    When we fancy it, we do it To be cheated on is another thing entirely. If it is just sex, then it can be mended, but if its love and feelings it cannot I do not have to question my wife at all because i know she does not.

    If we both want it to happen, we arrange it and do it. No feelings creep in because we 'interview' the guy first, meet him several times, and never use the same one twice.

    Sounds like she's addicted to rude words. Rude words is like a drug. It makes her excited nonstop. With each syllable. Pronouncing and pure ecstasy.

    Its unreal. I am now divorced and very happy! I have custody of my kids and pay no child support! I kept my house and she walked away.

    Her and her stud imploded about 2 weeks after I filed for divorce. And Mr big dick got cancer and lost his job. She lost it all for a couple of inches lmao.

    And karma is so good. So my advise to someone getting cheated on is leave and find happiness. Karma will do the rest. Well I don't know about you but if it was me I have a hard time looking at her much less the father of her touching her again or having her touch me it's time to put the trash on the curb and move on.

    I would not say no, or yes I would not intervene Youngsters need direction, it is very irresponsible to say that you would not interfere if someone you love was doing something that could hurt them.

    If someone you care about is doing something that could hurt them, I am suggesting that you intervene.

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